AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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