I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
wat bout pragnant strippers??
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
