apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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