Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
