Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
