Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
