i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
