He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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