Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
