woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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