Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
