I want to walk on stilts...naked
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
