I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
