It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
