I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
