Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Randomize
