i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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