So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
