but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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