Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
