You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
