I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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