I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
