I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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