She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
