So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
