Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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