I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
