Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
