I can't watch pbs sober anymore
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
