buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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