Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
