so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
