She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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