You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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