remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
