It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
