I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
