God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize