I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
