if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
