Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
