OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness