giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
