i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
