Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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