i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
