i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize