If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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