I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
