it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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