I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
