Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
