Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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