I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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