this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
