I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
