If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
