TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize