And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize