a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
