He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
