you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
