Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
