May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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