Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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